dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
