your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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