Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
