Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize