were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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