Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
