it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
