It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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