I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
