I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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