I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I licked your asshole in confidence.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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