There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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