Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
