did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
