i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
