Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
