where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
