when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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