We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
