Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
