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Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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