Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
