So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
