I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
