New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
