I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
