ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize