I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
