this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
