he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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