You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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