I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
