Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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