she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
