my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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