totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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