I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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