My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
