yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
