shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
