I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
