hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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