Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
