The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
