my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize