Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
