I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
