Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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