I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
