I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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