He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
