Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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