I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
