Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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