is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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