The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
