the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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