so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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