I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
