dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
