I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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