i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
