how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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