We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
