WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
