You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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