Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
