I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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