Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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