i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
should my penis look like a turkey
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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