Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
