Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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