why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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