i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
