You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
