we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
