I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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