i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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