were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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