why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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