I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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