Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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