her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
