smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
