You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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