I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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