I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
