I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
