So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
