just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
