Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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