MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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