I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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