You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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