So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
