woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
