My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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