i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
