ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
