Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
