On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
