I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
